Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
