am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
