I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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