Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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