That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
