Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
