bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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