So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
