Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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