I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
