well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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