Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize