Sponge bath it is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
