I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
