Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
