You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize