WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
