"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
