I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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