Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
