It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
