He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
whose parrot is this?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
