I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
