Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
