Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
