I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The power of my boobs compel you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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