They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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