Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
