I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
