I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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