I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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