You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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