wrigley field is MILF paradise
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
