Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
