I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
