Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
