He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Randomize
