I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize