i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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