Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
