There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
