i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
