We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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