It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
