Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
