when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize