yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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