Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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