i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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