I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
