one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
