How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
