I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
