so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
