how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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