Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize