you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
