My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
