No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
