Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
