I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize