Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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