No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize