the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
