I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
