I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The feeling are messing with the penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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