you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
