Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize