So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
