I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
