I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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