we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
