the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
