So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
