I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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