Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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